This week, and possibly last week, and probably the week before that, I have had an unfulfilled longing.  I haven’t talked about it–a longing sounds kind of weird.  It’s an old-fashioned word I don’t hear too much anymore, and it doesn’t sound nearly as spiritual as “prayer request,” or “believing God” for something.  But, there is is.  I have an unfulfilled longing, and I’ll admit up front, that in the grand scheme of things, it’s pretty trivial.

I am longing for a day to go away by myself and do whatever I want.  I envision sitting in a cafe and reading to my heart’s content, browsing around some clothing stores, and just dilly dallying with no set schedule.  The key for me is alone time.  I love being with my husband, my puppy, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and my students; but for me, to truly recharge, I need time by myself tho think do my own thing (what might appear to me nothing) to others.  Well, as you might have guessed, due to constant obligations, responsibilities, work, general busyness, and the two-hour commute to the nearest cafe, my longing keeps getting put off…and keeps getting put off.

Still, I am hanging on, and I am blessed by the fact that God does not make light of my longings.  He doesn’t  make light of yours either.  He made us, and he understands completely our every need, wish, and desire.  His understanding has no limit–that is one of my favorite things about God.

Let me share a scripture that really touched me today.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you” (Psalm 38:9).

The Lord knows what we need and what we long for, no matter how unique (or odd, or quirky) that need may be.  He sees everything.  When I came upon that verse, I felt myself thinking I know, God.  That’s a silly thing to get hung up on.  I need to just go about my work, and forget it. Before I could fully form the thought, I felt the Lord’s comfort and an assurance that he does not see my longing for time alone as silly or unworthy of his attention.  He’s on it.  I believe that God will fulfill this desire soon.

     Any day, any moment, any second, we can begin anew!  It doesn’t matter how we’ve failed or for how long we may have struggled.  With God’s help and grace–each day we can make a fresh start.  That, to me, is the beauty of mornings, and probably why I am a morning person!  It is another chance to get it right–or at least to improve.

     In our culture, with diets and exercise, goals and plans, everyone wants to “wait ’til Monday,” or worse yet, wait until New Year’s Eve.  There is no need to wait that long or put off the fresh start we desire. 

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him” (Lamentations 3:22-24 NIV).

     It’s a new day!  Make it a good one!

I love books.  I love new books–looking at the covers, reading the synapsis on the back, and diving into those first few chapters–luxurious.  I would rather read than watch TV, listen to music, or go to a movie.  No matter how stressed out I am, no matter how burdened by responsibilities, no matter how I feel, if I can just get an hour to read, I am like a new woman.

I love series books and stand-alones, and all different genres.  Last Saturday, I went to Barnes & Noble, and picked up a mystery paperback, a chicklit paperback, and the new hardcover book in Joanne Fluke’s Hannah Swensen series, The Plum Pudding Murder.  When I got home, I felt buyer’s remorse because books are expensive!  And, I am not usually one to read and reread and reread.

Libraries don’t work for me because the one closest to me is twenty minutes away, only open three afternoons a week, and I am pretty sure I have more books than they do.  So, I spent last Sunday afternoon looking at book rental sites online.  After a little checking to see which sites had the best rental selection of books that I like to read, I signed up for Paperspine.  Now, I can “rent” three books at a time, for one monthly fee.  It’s Netflix for books, and I feel less guilty for reading a lot, and free to enjoy my hobby.  Another nice thing about Paperspine is that they also have a bookstore.  So, if there’s a book I really want to buy, I can–at about 40% less than bookstore prices.  The Hannah Swensen hardback I mentioned was $24 at Barnes and Noble, but only $14 on Paperspine.

I live in a rural area, so it took me four days to get my first round of books.  I thought that was pretty good, and boy oh boy, was it nice to come home from a long day at work and have packages of books waiting for me.  Less expense.  No guilt.  Now, I just need more time to read!

     I am experienceing Halloween anxiety!  I have so many great memories of past Halloweens–the good ol’ days when I was a kid of picking out a costume (plastic mask and all) at Wal-Mart, or even better–of creating my own costume (hobo or clown) from old clothes and odds and ends around the house.  Carving the pumpkin…eating the candy…parties at school with the lavishly iced cupcakes–good times.

     For several years as an adult, I continued to dress up–a couple of years I even forked over the cash for fancy costumes.  Last year, my first year living in the country, there wasn’t too much going on.  My sweetie surprised me with a bag of Halloween candy (only the grown up kind–Russell Stover’s), and a trip to a haunted house twenty minutes away (admission was $1 a piece).  That’s pretty frugal Halloween fun.  There are no little ones in our area, and therefore, no trick-or-treaters to buy candy for.

     So, I am brainstorming, trying to think of ways to capture some Halloween fun!

• Buy some fun candy (like chocolate eyeballs) to share with your friends or co-workers.
• Get a mask only–simple enough to put on and take off, and surprise whoever happens to be around.
• Bake something Halloweeny–or pumpkiny.  For years, my mom and I baked sugar cookies in pumpkin and ghost shapes to decorate and share.
• Get some candy corn and spell out “I love you” with it on the kitchen table–a sweet message for your sweetie.
• Embrace novelty!  I think the joy of Halloween and dressing up is the chance to wear something you normally never would–to try something new minus the risk involved in every day life.  So, try something new–a funky piece of jewelry, an artsy scarf with last year’s sweater.  Make it fun!
• Get a pumpkin flavored coffee at your favorite coffee shop.
• Finally–remember, it is Halloween.  It’s fun yes, but there is also a lot of potential danger.  Make it a habit to say a prayer for God’s protection and safety for all of the little ones out collecting candy.

When God tells you to do something new, do you say, “Yes, Lord,” then jump into the new adventure with both feet?

Or, do you say something like:

• I don’t think that was really God.  I just made that up.
• But, I don’t want to do it–if it were really God, I would have a desire to do it.
• It’s too big of a thing–I’m not capable/equipped/smart enough/funny enough/godly enough, etc.
• There are tons of people that could do it better than I could.
• I’ll just wait and see.

Sadly, I came by my bulleted list in a very real way–those have been my thoughts about a new venture I believe God put on my heart.  I have been feeling convicted for not responding in faith, and I feel that it is dangerous to think the way I have been for many reasons.

     First, if God means for a creative project to come into the world, and the vessel he chooses to make it happen refuses, or puts it off–eventually that beautiful project will fall into some else’s hands.

     Second, it doesn’t matter who we might think could do it better–God is the one who does the choosing.  As for not feeling excited about a new venture, well, sometimes the joy comes through the obedience.  Sometimes, we may have a piece of God’s plan (with some self mixed in) and the only way to get clarity is to take action the best we know how.

     So, that’s the “talking to” I am giving myself.  To alleviate the pressure to perform, I am going to take the teensiest, tiniest step of action I can think of–I am going to work on the project for five to ten minutes a day for the next week, and see where I am this time next week.  That’s my committment!

     Well, it’s a little late in coming, but here goes.  Say it with me, “yes, Lord.”  And, jump!

     It’s mid-term week at the small college where I teach, and everyone (students, faculty, staff) is feeling frazzled.  Running, running, running, and still can’t get it all done.

     Well–here’s a bright spot.  Yesterday morning, in my imaginative writing class, I did a writing exercise with the students.  It really brightened my day.  Wanna try it?  It’s pretty simple.  Do three lists of ten–10 things you are proud of, 10 things you love, and 10 wishes.  This is a slightly more creative and specific way to focus on the good and express gratitude.

     Here’s my list of things I’m proud of:

1. Teaching my puppy to sit, lie down, and stay.

2. Cooking dinner for my husband most nights.

3. Maintaining good relationships with my friends and colleagues.

4. Picking out good cards for various occasions.

5. Learning to sew and make quilts (rather late in life, but that’s okay).

6. Taking the risk to cut and color my hair–very different than what it was.

7. Jumping out of bed at 5 a.m. six days a week, with no pushing the “snooze.”

8. Losing some weight since school started, and eating less junk.

9. Planting flowers/bulbs–an activity I enjoy, but is such hard work.

10.  Continuing to look for the lesson and/or blessing, in each day.

Hymns have not been a big part of my life in worship.  During the majority of my church-going life, I have attended a church that has a lively and long praise and worship service featuring contemporary music and original music, and once-in-a-while, a well-known token hymn.  There was a sense that hymns were of the past, and we needed to move on into the new music that God was revealing to today’s psalmists and musicians.

Over the years, however, I have developed a new reverence for hymns.  They are the songs of faith of past generations; they are our history.  I am grateful for all of the hymns that I know, and I have had some wonderful times of worship singing them (usually in the car).

I believe that most of the hymns I know, I learned from my grandma.  I used to spend a lot of time at her house visiting during the summer, and I loved to take the hymn book off of the piano and go outside on the porch and sing from the book.  Many times, Grandma would play the piano and sing the hymns I knew with me.  Then, she would help me learn a new one.

One particular hymn she taught me (and told me was one of her favorites) was “Wonderful Words of Life,” by Philip P. Bliss.  This hymn stands out to me because as a young child, I just didn’t get it.  I didn’t get the song.  There were parts in it about Jesus, but what were the wonderful words of life???  I didn’t see the connection then.

Now, as an adult, I don’t sing hymns as much as I used to, but I love reading the Bible aloud, and I especially love the book of Psalms.  When I get to Psalm 119, I feel a little overwhelmed.  It is the longest chapter in the Bible.  Then, I start reading it, and I fall in love with God’s word all over again, and the beautiful things that the psalmist says about it.

Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight. (verse 77)

Your statutes are wonderful; thereforeI obey them. (verse 129)

Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” (verse 165)

This psalm is a lovely celebration God’s word, and the hope and promises of the Bible.  I have new appreciation for the hymn “Wonderful Words of Life,” and I sing it in the car pretty often these days.

If you don’t know this one, here is a taste:

Sing them over again to me

Wonderful words of life

Let me more of their beauty see

Wonderful words of life

Chorus:

Words of life and beauty

Teach me faith and duty

Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life

Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life

     I am not wild about sharing my flaws with others, but the Lord has been bringing one to my attention, so here’s my confession:  I have developed a bad habit of interrupting people when they are speaking.  So juvenile…so embarrassing.  It’s not something I do all the time, but I notice myself having a tendency to interrupt when I am having lunch with my colleagues.  Why?  Maybe it is an over-eagerness to fit in, to share, to be a part of the group.  Yet, I am learning to hush this desire to talk, talk, talk, and listen instead.

     The power of effective listening is so under-estimated.  In listening, I can show my colleagues, friends, family, and husband (he’s especially important) the greatest sign of respect simply by listening intently and giving them my full attention.  I am convince that many (most?) people rarely get the gift of another person’s open ears and undivided attention.  I want to learn to give this gift, to listen with interest and poise, and no worries about when I am going to get to talk.  Ha. 

     Here is my verse for the day from James 1:19-20

My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

October just breezed in so fast that I almost didn’t notice.  For me, the last three months of the year seem to move at a much faster pace than the other nine.  It’s my favorite time of the year, but it can also be overwhelming as I try to celebrate the changing seasons and keep up with my day-to-day responsibilities.

I had a delightfully leisurely weekend.  Saturday, I met my mother for coffee and a catch-up visit.  Then, I was off to my hair appointment for a more “autumny” shade.  My mother-in-law surprised us by providing dinner, so I didn’t have to cook.  I spent the evening eating her chili and cornbread, bonding with my sweet puppy, and skimming through a big stack of magazines.

In October, I get a desire to bake apple crisp and pumpkin bread and start concocting stews and soups for the crock pot.  There is plenty of autumn left to do that.  Sunday, I was in the mood for a baking day.  While it can be a lot of work in a sense (LOTS of dirty dishes), it’s also relaxing to me to be able to try new things in the kitchen with no deadline or specific purpose in case the recipe flops.  Sunday, I tried a chicken and pasta dish, my first homemade rolls ever, brownies, and homemade pizza.  The only really iffy element to the baking was the rolls.  They turned out fine, but I need to work on my roll formation.  Either way, it was a fun and productive baking day.  I also managed a short walk out on the gravel road where we lived, and felt really grateful for the late afternoon sunshine, and the beauty of the area.  I am happy to live in a place surrounded by trees and fields, rather than houses, pavement, and buildings.  Sunday evening, I read a chunk of a chick-lit novel I have slowly been working my way through, Best Friends Forever, by Jennifer Weiner.

Maybe next weekend, I will get on to the traditional fall baking.  Today definitely felt like Monday, and I am happy to have the memory of a relaxing weekend.  I have no regrets about not getting the house completely cleaned.  Sometimes, it is far healthier (and more appreciated) to bake something instead.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rules, the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

     A couple of weeks ago, I had a very vivid dream.  I was in a dark room, and someone was asleep in the bed.  It was nighttime.  The person in the room was sleeping, and I was on my knees at the end of the bed, with the intent of praying for this person.  At that moment, I was attacked.  I won’t go into any more detail, but when I woke up, I felt I’d had a pretty clear reminder that we all have an enemy who does not want us to pray. 

     This freaked me out, to be honest.  I do not like those kinds of dreams.  At the same time, though, it impresses something amazing on me–PRAYER IS POWERFUL.  IT CHANGES THINGS.  GOD WORKS MIRACLES THROUGH OUR PRAYERS.

    Therefore, be ecouraged, and keep praying.  Pray for unsaved family members and friends.  Pray for the country and our nation’s leaders.  Pray for your coworkers.  Pray for the people who teach your kids.  Just pray.  Watch out for distractions and attacks (in the sneaky form of other things that seem more important).

With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints (Ephesians 6:18b NIV)