Taking time to give thanks or count your blessings makes you feel more grateful and satisfied with life.  I find this is especially helpful on days that were just so-so.  When I take a moment to reflect on all of the things that went right, I gain a much more positive perspective. 

     Normally, I am not a person who “hates Mondays,” but lately they have been hard.  Since I am teaching summer school, when I start the week, I feel like I am jumping on a very fast roller coaster with limited time to toss out the information and gather what comes back (essays) before sending them out again (graded).  That probably didn’t make a lot of sense to anyone who doesn’t teach, so I will just share my little gratitude list for June 29, 2009.  One more note, I got started keeping a Gratitude Journal after reading Sarah Ban Breachnacht’s Simple Abundance many years back.  The habit stuck and I save them all.  It’s fun to look back on this date last year and see what was on my gratidude list.

June 29, 2009

• Waking up with my loving husband
• The clawfoot tub & bubble baths
• Fresh coffee
• Summery dresses and sandals
• That God is keeping my car running–217,000 miles & still going!
• Pleasant co-workers
• My students–they are a likable bunch even on a Monday morning.
• Air conditioning!
• Getting all of my students’ papers graded and giving good feedback.
• All of the people who called to check on me after my little health episode on Saturday.
• 3/4 sleeved sweaters
• ceiling fans
• Diet 7-up
• Cold water
• Seeing some of my bulbs bloom
• Fourth of July weekend coming!

     I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.  I hope my little list inspires you to make one of your own.  Blessings to you on a Monday night.

     So, the other day, I was skimming through the Joyce Meyer book 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life, just to see if anything jumped out at me.  Something did.  One of Joyce’s tips:  Don’t do things you’re not good at.  What a revelation!  That never even occurred to me.  Joyce related a story about having a neighbor who was the epitomy of the perfect homemaker.  This woman was a fabulous cook, decorator, gardener and seamstress.  Joyce relates that she did not enjoy sewing or gardening, and was only an average cook.

     This really spoke to me, because with our Proverbs 31 Woman Ideal I take it for granted that I should be good at and enjoy all things related to the home.  My thinking is adjusting.  Just because I can sew, garden, bake, etc. doesn’t mean that that is the best use of my time and talents.  Now, I know that we all need to make an effort to provide a nice home and meals for our families–but are we all called to go way beyond that?  I don’t think so.  Just as there are different gifts in the body of Christ, I believe there are different types of gifts in homemakers and many different expressions of the Proverbs 31 Woman Ideal. 

     I think most people would agree that the most important quality of the wife of noble character is that she fears the Lord.  I believe that as we learn to truly fear the Lord and honor him in all areas of our lives, he will reveal to us where our time and talents will be most fruitful for him.  That fear of the Lord is expressed differently in different women.  If there were 100 or even 1000 women modeling out that Proverbs 31 woman ideal, would those women look like cookie cutters of each other?  I don’t think a God who came up with thousands of different types of flowers would only come up with one type of ideal woman.  There is no need to beat ourselves up if we don’t get great joy from baking pies, making curtains, polishing the floors or hosting great baby showers.  If that is not what God is calling us to do, we are just wasting our energy anyway. 

     I know that my days our limited, and I want to enjoy them and be fruitful.  I pray that as Joyce put it, I would stop doing things I am not good at.  I pray the Lord would reveal to me what those things are, so that I can move into areas where I will joy and grace and his blessing!  Amen.

     Emily Dickinson once said that some kept the Sabbath by going to church, but that she kept it by staying home.  I am following in Emily’s footsteps today.  I am at home resting and reflecting on the implications of a health scare I had yesterday.  I went to visit my mother, which is about an hour and-a-half drive, and went I arrived at the house, I had a little difficulty seeing clearly out of my right eye.  We attributed this to the unusual heat and extremely bright sun.  I put on my sunglasses and we headed out for a breakfast of coffee and muffins.  While we were visiting, even though I was hot, my right hand/arm started feeling tingly and numb.  I had difficulty speaking.  I couldn’t think of words and when I tried to say a word, I couln’t say it correctly no matter how hard I tried.  We abandoned our breakfast and Mom drove me to the emergency room–which I also could not say.

     By the time we arrived, my symptoms were gone.  They lasted maybe 10-15 minutes.  We got out and walked around the hospital parking lot for a while.  My mother told me she had a similar episode once–as did my aunt, although the symptoms were slightly different.  Since I was feeling back to normal, I did not check into the hospital, but went on about my plan for the day.  My mother did warn me before I left that I might have had a mini-stroke, and that I should look up the symptoms and causes when I got home.

     I did just that, and the more I read on-line about TIA, or mini-strokes, the more scared I got.   The symptoms I had sounded exactly like the symptoms of mini-stroke (garbled speech, impaired vision, numbness on one side of the body, headaches, difficulty walking) I had experienced.  I also read that  mini-stroke many times is a pre-cursor to the real thing.  I still felt a little funny, so for the second time that day, I made a trip to the hospital, except this time, I went in and got checked out.

     Apparantly, Urgent Care isn’t as busy on Saturday evenings in late June, because I got in right away.  After lots of tests, checks, questions, and blood work, I was told that it was doubtful that I’d had a stroke of any kind.  I did however have a fever, and a sinus infection and may have had it for a very long time.  I asked if the sinus infection could have caused the odd symptoms I’d experienced.  The nurse practitioner said, “It’s possible.  Yes.”  With a prescription for antibiotics and nasal spray and enough to get me by until the pharmacy opened, I left the hospital.  I did schedule a CT scan for Monday which will rule out the stroke possibility more definitively, and also give some indication of the sinus infection is chronic and how severe.

     When I got back home to rest finally, I was relieved to have been diagnosed with only a sinus infection, but also a bit disturbed.  How could I have gotten so used to feeling tired and head-achey to accept that as my “normal”?  When I was doing the online reading earlier and feeling the threat of a full-on stroke, I had crystal clear clarity about my priorities.  What was more important than taking care of my health (diet, exercise, rest, reducing stress)?  Was cleaning the house more important?  Getting my students’ essays graded?  Getting my errands done?  No.  In that moment, nothing was more important.  On any other day, I can easily reason with myself that doing something like cleaning the house is a necessary chore whereas taking time to exercise or rest is a luxury–not something that has to be done.  That combined with the fact that I got so used to living with an infection that I didn’t notice it is forcing me to take myself and my health more seriously.  I need to set some new “non-negotiables” in my life.

     For now, I am enjoying being at home, taking it easy.  I slept late and deep.  I have been drinking coffee and feeling grateful for the chance to rest and re-think things.  I am more grateful than ever for my health, and I pray that God will teach me to take care of myself better starting today.  I don’t think I will take for granted the ability to speak, see, walk, or feel free from pain–even a pesky headache, anytime in the near future. 

     Yesterday really shook me.  Who knows?  This may become a health blog in the near future.  We’ll see how it goes.  I hear my husband outside.  Time to go get my prescription.

     Honor God today by truly resting from your work, and finding rest in him.

      One fine quality of the wife of noble character described in Proverbs 31 is that she “sees that her trading is profitable.”  Some women have a real knack for this.  I do not.  I watch in awe as other women find designer clothes with the tags still on at garage sales, slash their grocery bills in half, and never pay full price for anything.  When I pray for myself, I consistently ask God to help me to wisely allocate my time, talent and money.  The whole coupon topic has been a source of frustration–it seems like I can never find coupons for things I actually buy, or the coupons I find are for different brands that are higher (even with said coupon) than what I actually buy.

     Plus, I live in a rural area where there aren’t a dozen stores to choose from to truly “shop around.”  However, I saw signs of God’s goodness yesterday, surrounding my weekly trip to the Wal-mart Super Center.  Wal-mart is a good twenty minutes away, and I don’t usually enjoy the trip.  I normally leave feeling like I have overspent, even when I have stuck to the items on my list.

     When I was going through the check out, the lady behind me said, “If she hasn’t rung up your cottage cheese, yet, it’s a dollar at the Hi-Vee in Chillacothe.  They’ll match.”  Well, thank you, kind lady.  Saved a little there.

     On the way home, the Lord reminded me to buy a Sunday paper for one of the bigger cities to check for coupons–a tip provided by a girlfriend a couple of weeks ago.

     Finally, when I got back to the house and had the groceries put away, I spent some time on Facebook, decompressing from the grocery shopping trip.  I announced my need for usable coupons, and a friend sent me the following link:

http://www.stlmommy.com/search/label/best%20current%20coupons

     I am so grateful for the help I have received in learning to be a better “trader” from my friends, and the stranger at the Wal-mart check out line.  It is also especially nice to have a link suggested by a friend, because the number of frugal living, couponing, etc. blogs and sites is overwhelming.  This particular site allows you to pick which coupons to print off, and lets you check stores in your area for items you actually buy to price compare!  How wonderful!

     This spring, I made first attempts at flower gardening, and the main thing I learned is I have a lot to learn!  I did one bed of annuals, and also planted renunculous, gladiuolus, iris, marigolds and zenias.  The annuals are struggling to survive against the strong winds we get in the area, and the fact that I discounted the importance of daily weeding.  And mulch.  The bulbs are faring a little better.  I have had a couple of iris blooms, and the others look like they will come on any day.  Still, my plan for a lush flower bed has not been realized quite yet.

     Then, last Sunday, I drove the short distance to my mother-in-laws house and was treated to the sight of our gravel road virtually lined with orange flowers.  It was a beautiful surprise.  I felt like God had planted them there just for me.  Then, I wondered how often I miss what God is growing in my life because I am looking somewhere else.  I am going to pay better attention.  I don’t want to miss what God is growing!

     After seeing Kate Jacobs’ novel The Friday Night Knitting Club every place that carried books, I caved to curiosity and bought a copy.  I read the book quickly and also got the sequel Knit Two.  These books are a delight featuring an ensemble of women who have their own interesting story within the story.  The books also come with knitting patterns!  I love books that have add-ons like this.  I have never knitted, but I did purchase a beginners’ kit after reading the book, and have been practicing casting on. 

     Kate Jacobs Comfort Food is my most recent read.  I love the food television, learning new recipes and techniques, so I was immediately drawn into the setting of this book–the main character, Gus, has her own cooking show.  There is a cast of characters with their own connected story within the story, as well.  Seeing the cooking show change, evolve, flop, and meet success in the book is something unique that I haven’t read about in any other chick-lit novels.  Also, the there are brightly decorated cupcakes on the front–a visual promise that the novel is literary comfort food. 

     In addition to the engaging story and characters, this book contains recipes at the end.  I am anxious to try them out.  There are recipes for honey buns, and Gus’s golden cupcakes.  The Kate Jacobs books also have reader’s guide at the end which make them a great choice for book clubs. 

Check out the following websites for more interesting details and recipes.

www.KateJacobs.com

www.ComfortFoodNovel.com

     I received a subscription to the magazine Writer’s Digest for Christmas this last year, and I get really excited when it arrives–even more excited when I have time to read it.  It has interviews with authors and lots of information on perfecting the writing craft, as well as the business side of things.  I especially have enjoyed the features that discuss ways to fit writing into an already jam-packed schedule.  And there are contests.  Loads of contests to enter.  It’s overwhelming in a sense. 

     What’s not overwhelming, and is actually kind of fun is the prompt contest that appears in every issue.  This is the perfect low-key contest to enter and get your writing feet wet.  This issue’s prompt is “A woman is given the ability to go back in time and change one event in her life.”  There is a 750 word limit, and submissions are to be emailed.  What could be easier?  The deadline is July 10.  The winner receives publication of his story in an issue of the magazine.

     A “prompt” contest like this is disarming.  Prompts are just to play–just to try new things and see where you end up.  It’s a good way to get your creative juices flowing and find a story where you didn’t expect one.  There is less pressure with a prompt than say writing a twenty page short story or a collection of sonnets.  It’s short.  It may seem silly, but it is fun to try.

     I played with this prompt last night when I was feeling “at loose ends.”  I worked on it for about an hour and ended up with a fun story that is about 200 words over the limit.  I will revise and delete those extra words and get it emailed soon.  It wasn’t a big time committment, but it was a small step toward fulfilling my goal to be more committed to my writing.  And, even if nothing comes of it, a creative exercise like this definitely adds novely to an otherwise ordinary day.

     Day 27 of The Love Dare deals with issues that I thought I had well under control.  The focus of this reading is NOT allowing yourself to have unreaslistic expectations of your spouse.  When unrealistic expecations exist–disappointment comes and you and your spouse both feel the disappointment.  Rather than expecting certain things from our spouses, our focus should be on improving ourselves and loving and encouraging them.

     All through the time before we married, the Lord pointed out to me that whenever I was disappointed in someone, it was almost always because I was expecting a certain action or response that I had no right to expect.  Our expectations should be focused on the Lord.  Our hopes should be fully in him.  I love Psalm 39:7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you.”

     The joke’s on me.  I thought I was old enough and mature enough to have a better handle on this.  I had heard tales before marriage of  young women who marry and expect to be the center of their husband’s world  and have his undivided attention all the time, but I knew I wasn’t like that!  Even so, I have allowed certain expectations to creep in–more compliments, more attention, regular date nights, etc.  When my focus is on these things, I tend to discount all of the other sweet and considerate things my husband does do.  When my hopes and expectations are pinned on the Lord, I will not be disappointed.  This allows my husband freedom to be himself, and it allows me to find joy in all that he does instead of carrying disappointment because he failed to live up to some scenario created in my imaginaton.  Today, I purpose to 1. put my hopes and expectations fully in the Lord. 2. work on improving myself, and 3. encourage my husband in every way I can.

     “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25)

     I relish time spent with my girlfriends–either one on one, or in groups.  It seems that as I get older it gets more challenging to find time to nourish friendships–and generally I think it is harder to make new friends.  This was especially hard for me after moving to a new, much smaller town.  Even with this transition, I have a couple of great girlfriends who make the effort (and drive) so we can meet up and spend time together catching up, shopping, having lunch and other fun girlie activities.  The Lord also pointed out to me that “she who wants friends must show herself friendly.”  With that advice, the Lord put a couple of ladies on my heart that I work with, and I asked them to lunch.  All friendships are such a joy–and it is a simple pleasure to put time into new ones.  I believe women have almost a physical need for fellowship and mutual encouragement with other women.  There are so many things we need to talk about that our husbands simply do not and will not share our interest in.

     Today, my colleague and girlfriend were discussing how our semi-free week was quickly filling up with unforeseen responsibilities and extra work.  I said, “I have been having this fantasy about taking an afternoon off and going to get a fancy coffee drink, maybe see a movie–”

     She cut me off, as if I had thrown her a lifeline that might disappear at any second.  “When?!  When can you go?”  she asked.

     We decided to seize the day and be impulsive.  We enjoyed a leisurely lunch and visit, followed by a matinee of The Proposal, a chick-flick that our husband would have had little interest in.  I drove home from our afternoon fun feeling refreshed and grateful for all of my women friends–the ones I see daily, the ones I stay in touch with purely by phone, right down to my mother, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law.   Besides, being fun and rejuvenating, time to talk and laugh with the girls is the best form of stress-relief!

     No one will say it’s easy to find time to socialize with friends, but it is so worth it!  The Bible even says not go give up meeting together–and implies that this is a “habit” that some fall into.  We need to spend time together to offer encouragement and support, and that is not confined to a church service.  So, get on the phone and call a girlfriend.  Make a date to get together and catch up.  If that’s just not possible right now, a quick chat on the phone would probably encourage and bless you both.

This mug is a funny & unexpected "just because" gift from a girlfriend.

     I spent the bulk of this afternoon and early evening grading the first batch of essays for my expository writing students.  As a professor, I love the time before the grading of the first essay; it is like the “honeymoon” period, and with this particular group, it has been very enjoyable–with interesting and lively class discussions, insightful questions, and practice writing taking place inside and outside of class.  We like each other!

     Then, it is time to grade that first essay.  It is a time when I may discover that the student that makes the extremely astute comments in class is a mediocre writer.  In any case, it is time to give criticism.  Of course, this is a necessary part of teaching–grading and giving feedback; yet, I also feel it is a task to handle with care because feelings are at stake, and an open teacher-student relationship hangs tottering in the balance.  While a part of me may feel on some level that their grade is their grade and they can read my comments and adhere to them or not, since I am trying to live out the character of Christ, I am asking myself, how would Jesus say this? 

     The first thing that I am doing differently with this batch of essays, is writing the comments in the form of a note by beginning my feedback with addressing the students by their first names.  I think this is a reminder of the relationship and hopefully will remind them that I am tailoring my response just for them, not just slapping down comments on a generic essay.  Second, I am making an effort to comment first on all of the things the writer is doing well, and last, I give the directive comments that clarify why the grade is what it is. 

     I am not sure how big of a difference these steps I am taking will make to my students, but they make a difference to me.  Even though giving criticism (constructive criticism) is my job, I want to exhibit gentleness.  I also close off the comments (especially if the grade is low) with an invitation for further conversation with me about the essay.  In order for criticism to be effectively given and received, the bridge of the relationship must be sturdy and open.

     For many years I have been aware of the adage, “Praise in public; criticize in private.”   I try to follow this rule in regard to my students speaking highly of them all in classroom situations, to their peers, and to colleagues.  I think because writing is so personal–even academic writing, there is a danger of taking criticism of the writing as a personal attack.  I was a sensitive student myself, and anything less than positive remarks on a paper were really taken to heart. 

     Now, I am convinced more than ever that one of the most important qualities of an effective teacher (and person?) is to have a teachable spirit.  I know that I do not know everything.  I know that there are many subjects in which my students have more knowledge and expertise than I do, and I try to acknowledge that.  If I make a mistake in class, and they point it out to me–my goal here is to teach them by example how to respond to criticism.  I admit my mistake, make a joke about it, correct the mistake and move on.  I want to be the kind of teacher and woman, who is always teachable–ready to learn and ready to improve.  I also pray that I will be so tuned in to the Lord and the people around me that a gentle whisper of loving criticism will convey the message and I will respond quickly.